If there is anything that keeps me afloat on some days is knowing that I committed in my mind to certain routines. And no, it’s not work. It’s not the usual feelings of obligation. It’s the commitment I made to myself, that no matter what, I will continue to go to dance classes, and on the way there, I will continue to make drawings on the bart train, no matter how bad they turn out. I think these practices get me outside of my head, outside of the negative self-talk and the inner critic, even if the inner critic is about my ability to make art. Especially since I’m drawing with my non-dominant hand (left hand in my case), I’m learning to be less critical, more self-forgiving about my art making ability or my own way of practicing it. I’d like to think that I draw better using my non-dominant hand, but I think it’s also because doing so gives me permission to make mistakes. Who expects perfection when using non-dominant hand? I suppose life is often like using non-dominant hand. Mistakes will happen. Perfection will likely not be attained. And all I can do is try to make a mark.
